Men’s culture, the men’s movement, and the constitution of men’s lives

Men's Ways of Being

Volumn , Issue , 2018, Pages 163-193

  White, Michael ^a  

^a Dulwich Centre   (Australia)

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EID: 85046928824     PISSN: None     EISSN: None     Source Type: Book    
DOI: 10.4324/9780429493461     Document Type: Chapter

References (13)

1. I accept that this is a generalisation, and acknowledge that there exist groups of men who relate themselves to the men’s movement, for whom these observations are inaccurate.
2. In Australia the term “suffragette” does not have any of the negative connotations it sometimes has in the US.
3. Here, I emphasise the word 'some’ for several reasons. First, because there exist alternative versions of what is essential to being a man which may bring about preferred real effects in the lives and in the relationships of those men who step into these versions. Second, because this particular 'some’ is an entirely significant some, which brings with it far-reaching negative real effects. Third, because there are many other real effects of the essentialist project that warrant critical appraisal.
4. For example, bodily postures, ways of speaking, attitudes towards women, children and other men, relational tactics of power and control, valued pursuits and so on.
5. Contrary to the commonly held idea that the mentoring of younger men by their seniors is a requirement for the transformation of younger men’s lives, I often find in my work with men that the reverse seems to be the case. What so often appears transformative is the development of an account of the contribution that these men made or might have made to their father’s life. This account can be developed in response to questions like
6. In what ways do you think that your father's life might have been all the richer for having known you as a child and adolescent?, or If your father had been less blind to what there was to appreciate about you as a child and adolescent, and if he had been truly interested in acknowledging and experiencing this in you, what effect do you think this would have had on his quality of life?, or If you had yourselffor a son, what potential would your interaction with this son have for enriching your life?, and so on.
7. Many men are initially stunned by these questions. These are clearly the more difficult questions, probably because they contradict the usual one-way requirements of men’s culture; that is for men to pay homage to their elders. It is so often a deeply moving experience to witness men’s struggle with questions of this sort, and to be privy to the conclusions that they begin to arrive at and to the positive effects of these conclusions on their sense of self.
8. In an attempt to review this claim, I have done a little research - I have made it my business to ask men about their relationships with their fathers. Sure enough, many of those men whose fathers ran out on their families wished that their fathers had not done so. However, many other men whose fathers had run out on their families were pleased and relieved that their fathers had done so. 1 also interviewed men whose fathers had stayed. Many of those men whose fathers hadn’t run out on their families were glad that their fathers hadn’t. However, there were many men whose fathers hadn’t run out on their families who wished that their fathers had done so.
9. I would refer readers to Silverstein & Rashbaum’s book (1994) that is devoted to, among other things, the deconstruction of those myths that provide the foundation for patriarchal culture.
10. For example, although many boys do learn to exhibit contempt for their mothers, it is clearly apparent that, by and large, children fear their fathers much more than they fear their mothers.
11. These language practices introduce ways of speaking that are considered to be rational, neutral and respectable, emphasising notions of the authoritative account and the impersonal expert view - ways of speaking that are designed to elevate the opinions of men over the opinions of others, and ways of speaking that are marginalising or disqualifying of other ways of speaking. These practices disembody the perspective and the opinions of the speaker. The presentation of the knowledges of the speaker is devoid of information that might give the respondent information about the conditions of the production of the expert view. Without this critical information, respondents experience a certain “suspension” - they do not have the information necessary to determine how they might “take” the views that are expressed, and this dramatically reduces the range of possible responses available to them.
12. This isn’t to suggest that a very great number of us men haven’t had terrible experiences of men’s culture - for example, the institutionalised violence of war, the various public rituals of degradation and humiliation, and so on. But it is to suggest that we develop our own language of description and analysis of our experience of men’s culture instead of robbing women of theirs.
13. This feedback does not take the form of a judgement about the experiences that are related by the man, nor about his responses to these experiences. Rather, it takes the form of speculation about, and an appraisal of, the real effects that might accompany the alternative ways of being and thinking which are being articulated and performed in the exercise.