The new Muslim romance: Changing patterns of courtship and marriage among educated Javanese youth

Journal of Southeast Asian Studies

Volumn 36, Issue 3, 2005, Pages 441-459

  Smith Hefner, Nancy J ^a  

^a Boston University   (United States)

Author keywords

[No Author keywords available]

Indexed keywords

MARRIAGE; SOCIAL CHANGE; YOUNG POPULATION;

EID: 33644609029     PISSN: 00224634     EISSN: None     Source Type: Journal    
DOI: 10.1017/S002246340500024X     Document Type: Article

References (63)

1. Gavin W. Jones, Marriage and divorce in Muslim South-East Asia (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1994);
2. Terence H. Hull and Gavin W. Jones, 'Demographic perspectives', in Indonesia's New Order: The dynamics of socio-economic transformation, ed. Hal Hill (Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, 1994), pp. 164-8.
3. Jones, Marriage and divorce, p. 61.
4. Kathryn Robinson and Iwu Dwisetyani Utomo, 'Introduction', Rima [Review of Indonesian and Malaysian Affairs], 37, 1 (2003): 5-16. This legislation was reinforced by an aggressive family planning programme which urged women to put off marriage until their early to middle 20s and to restrict family size to two children.
5. Jones, Marriage and divorce, p. 40.
6. See Dale F. Eickelman and Jon W. Anderson, 'Redefining Muslim publics', in New media in the Muslim world: The emerging public sphere, ed. Dale F. Eickelman and John W. Anderson (Bloomington and Indianapolis: Indiana University Press, 1999), pp. 1-18
7. Robert W. Hefner, Civil Islam: Muslims and democratization in Indonesia (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2000).
8. The theme of the happy and prosperous nuclear family with the father as the head and the mother in a supporting role was a widespread theme of Indonesian schooling and in Suharto-era government programmes, which promoted them as an important foundation for the development of the nation. See also Martha Logsdon, 'Gender roles in elementary texts in Indonesia', in Women in Asia and the Pacific: Towards an East-West dialogue, ed. Madeleine J. Goodman (Honolulu: Women's Studies Program, University of Hawaii at Manoa, 1985), pp. 243-62.
9. The aurat are those parts of a woman's body which must be covered during religious study, prayers, and in the presence of unrelated men i.e., 'everything except her face and the palms of her hands'. Husein Shahab, Jilbab menurut Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah [Veiling according to the Koran and the customs of the Prophet] (Bandung: Mizan Press, 1993), p. 44.
10. Research was funded by a Fulbright-Hays Faculty Research Grant (1999) and a Spencer Foundation Small Grant (2001); write-up was generously supported by the National Endowment for the Humanities (2002).
11. Hildred Geertz, The Javanese family: A study of kinship and socialization (Prospect Heights, IL: Waveland Press, 1961), p. 55.
12. Ibid., pp. 55-6
13. Valerie Hull, 'Women in Java's rural middle class: Progress or regress?' in Women of Southeast Asia, ed. Penny Van Esterik (Dekalb, IL: Northern Illinois University Press, 1975), p. 75.
14. See also Susan Blackburn and Sharon Bessel, 'Marriageable age: Political debates on early marriage in twentieth century Indonesia', Indonesia, 63 (1997): 107-41.
15. Koentjaraningrat, Javanese culture (Singapore: Oxford University Press, 1989).
16. Michael G. Peletz, Reason and passion: Representations of gender in a Malay society (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1996).
17. R. Jay, Javanese villagers: Social relations in rural Modjokuto (Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 1969), p. 37
18. Geertz, Javanese family, p. 119.
19. Jones, however, indicates that there has been a steady narrowing of the spousal marriage age differential in Indonesia since 1970 so that the difference is now on average only between four and five years (Jones, Marriage and divorce, pp. 102-3).
20. Young couples in line to inherit the family home might continue to live with and care for the parents; even in this case, however, an effort was usually made to create some separation of households, for example, by creating separate cooking areas. See also Juliette Koning, 'Different times, different orientations: Family life in a Javanese village', in Women and households in Indonesia: Cultural notions and social practices, ed. Juliette Koning, Marleen Nolten, Janet Rodenburg and Ratna Saptari (Richmond, Surrey: Curzon, 2000), pp. 181-207.
21. Elinor Clark Horne, Javanese-English dictionary (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1974), p. 75.
22. Geertz, Javanese family, p. 57.
23. Ibid., p. 57.
24. See Zamakhsyari Dofier, The pesantren tradition: The role of the kyai in the maintenance of traditional Islam in Java (Tempe: Program in South and Southeast Asian Studies, Arizona State University, 1999).
25. Note also that Jay, in listing various criteria for choosing a spouse, makes only indirect mention of religion (Jay, Javanese villagers, pp. 127-33).
26. Geertz, Javanese family, p. 64.
27. Robin Madrid, 'Islamic students in the Indonesian student movement, 1998-1999: Forces for moderation', Bulletin of Concerned Asian Scholars, 31, 3 (1999): 17-32.
28. See Hefner, Civil Islam.
29. Karin Johnson, Wendy Gaylord and Gerald Chamberland, Indonesia: A study of the educational system of the Republic of Indonesia (Washington, DC: World Education Series Publication, USAID, 1993), p. 8
30. Robinson and Utomo, 'Introduction', p. 6.
31. Hefner, Civil Islam, p. 17.
32. See Gavin W. Jones and Peter Hagul, 'Schooling in Indonesia: Crisis-related and longer-term issues', Bulletin of Indonesian Economic Studies, 37, 2 (2001): 207-31.
33. Hull and Jones, 'Demographic perspectives', pp. 164-8.
34. Mayling Oey-Gardiner, 'Gender differences in schooling in Indonesia', Bulletin of Indonesian Economic Studies, 27, 1 (1991): 58.
35. See Achmad Fedyani Saifuddin and Irwan Martua Hidayana, Seksualitas remaja [Adolescent sexuality] (Jakarta: Pustaka Sinar Harapan and The Ford Foundation, 2002), p. 45.
36. Oey-Gardiner uses large-scale survey statistics to argue that school availability is of greater importance for rates of female than male secondary school attendance in Indonesia. Statistics indicate that parents are much more willing to allow daughters to attend secondary school if a school is available nearby, Oey-Gardiner, 'Gender differences', p. 68.
37. Jones, Marriage and divorce, p. 40.
38. Peter Smith, Contrasting marriage patterns and fertility in Southeast Asia, East-West Population Institute Working Paper No. 8 (Honolulu: East-West Center, 1981),
39. cited in Diane Lauren Wolf, Factory daughters: Gender, household dynamics, and rural industrialization in Java (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1992), p. 80.
40. Jones, Marriage and divorce, p. 80.
41. Ibid., pp. 80, 89.
42. Significantly, John Echols and Hassan Shadily's first translation for pacar is 'fiancé/fiancée';
43. John M. Echols and Hassan Shadily, revised by John U. Wolff and James T. Collins, Kamus Indonesia Inggris [Indonesian English Dictionary] (Ithaca: Cornell University Press, and Jakarta, Penerbit PT Gramedia, 1989), p. 401.
44. Of course, young men may also experience emotional trauma and depression (depresi) from failed romances. But parents say they can only advise their sons; they have less ability to directly control their behaviour than is the case with daughters. 'All I can tell him is to be careful', is a common refrain from parents. For a comparison of gender and emotion in the Malay context see Michael G. Peletz, 'Neither reasonable nor responsible: Contrasting representations of masculinity in a Malay society', in Bewitching women, pious men: Gender and body politics in Southeast Asia, ed. Aihwa Ong and Michael G. Peletz (Berkeley. University of California Press, 1995), pp. 76-123.
45. Men are consistently characterized as playing the more active role in courtship. This role is captured in common phrases used to describe adolescent male activities such as suka hunting ('[he's always] chasing [girls]') and cari cewek ('[he's out] cruising/looking for girls'.)
46. Linda Rae Bennett, 'Modernity, desire, and courtship: The evolution of premarital relationships in Mataram, Eastern Indonesia', in Coming of age in South and Southeast Asia, ed. Lenore Manderson and Pranee Liamputtong (Richmond, Surrey: Curzon, 2002), pp. 96-112. Bennett argues that backstreet relationships among young people in Lombok offer an alternative to the traditional Sasak pattern of courtship known as midangan, which involves a young woman entertaining suitors at her home in the evening under the supervision of her parents. 'Meeting "backstreet"', Bennett writes (p. 110), 'accords women much greater freedom to express physical affection and engage in sexual contact than do other modes of courtship because it typically occurs in more private spaces and involves limited (or often no) social surveillance'.
47. Condoms are widely available in corner kiosks and stores; however, contraceptive use is reportedly very low among young people because of 'embarrassment', particularly on the part of young women and the widespread belief that use of contraceptives, even condoms, can cause infertility by 'drying out the uterus'. Although abortion is illegal, it is nonetheless performed by some doctors. See Terence H. Hull, Ninuk Widyantoro and Sarsanto W. Sarwono, 'Induced abortion in Indonesia', Studies in Family Planning, 24, 4 (1993): 241-51. Abortion is considered a grave sin within Islam. Young women may try traditional means to induce the foetus to abort, but often end up continuing the pregnancy and giving birth to a child with serious health problems. Young women from well-to-do families may pay for an illegal abortion or seek an abortion outside of the country.
48. Nancy J. Smith-Hefner, 'Muslim women and the veil in post-Suharto Indonesia' (Manuscript, 2004).
49. This view is widely espoused in popular books such as Mohammad Fauzil Adhim, Indahnya pernikahan dini [The beauty of early marriage] (Jakarta: Gema Insani Press, 2003);
50. Abu Al-Ghifari, Pacaran yang Islami, adakah? [Dating the Islamic way, Is there such a thing?] (Bandung: Mujahid Press, 2003);
51. and Nina Surtiretna, Bimbingan seks bagi remaja [A sex guide for teens] (Bandung: PT Remaja Rosdakarya, 2000), among the many available in Yogyakarta's bookstores and kiosks.
52. The various articles from local magazines and newspapers which comprise Pak Puspo's polygyny campaign are compiled as photocopies with a cover entitled Kiat sukses poligami Islami [The secret to successful polygyny the [true] Muslim way]. 'Basically our aims are similar to those of the feminist activists', Puspo claimed in a personal interview in the summer of 2002. 'We want to extend the protection of legal marriage to women who would otherwise be illegal mistresses engaging in sinful acts in adulterous relationships.'
53. Adhim, Indahnya pernikahan dini.
54. Ibid., p. 7.
55. Ibid., p. 28.
56. See also Madrid, 'Islamic students Andi Rahmat and Mukhammad Najib, Gerakan perlawanan dari masjid kampus [The opposition movement from the campus mosque] (Surakarta: Purimedia, 2001).
57. My interviews with KAMMI members indicate that the organization appeals not only to modernist Muslims and secular Muslims who have undergone a kind of 'religious rebirth' but also to traditionalist Muslims dissatisfied with other student organizations because of what they perceive as an insufficient focus on the Qur'an and the hadiths as guidelines for living.
58. Although 'Muslim style', Suwanti's wedding celebration was far from small and austere. There were 1,500 guests at the celebration sponsored by her parents and 700 at a later celebration sponsored by the parents of her husband. And although there was no traditional entertainment, such as wayang (shadow puppet theatre) or classical Javanese dance, there were two popular and quite lively Muslim singing groups which took turns playing throughout the entire evening.
59. Geertz, Javanese family.
60. Fariba Adelkhah, Being modern in Iran (New York: Columbia University Press, 2000);
61. Arlene Elowe Macleod, Accommodating protest: Working women, the new veiling, and change in Cairo (New York: Columbia University Press, 1991);
62. Ziba Mir-Hosseini, Islam and gender: The religious debate in contemporary Iran (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1999);
63. Jenny B. White, Islamist mobilization in Turkey: A study in vernacular politics (Seattle: Washington University Press, 2002).