Shrinking violets and caspar milquetoasts: Shyness and heterosexuality from the roles of the fifties to the rules of the nineties

Journal of Social History

Volumn 34, Issue 3, 2001, Pages 547-568

  McDaniel, Patricia ^a  

^a RUTGERS UNIVERSITY   (United States)

Author keywords

[No Author keywords available]

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EID: 0039847251     PISSN: 00224529     EISSN: None     Source Type: Journal    
DOI: 10.1353/jsh.2001.0022     Document Type: Article

References (186)

1. Philip G. Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It (Reading, MA, 1977), 37.
2. For a small sampling of these cures, see Ronald B. Adler, Confidence in Communication: A Guide to Assertive and Social Skills (New York, 1977); John Barrow and Judy Hayashi, "Shyness Clinic: A Social Development Program for Adolescents and Young Adults," Personnel and Guidance Journal 59 (1980): 58-61; Joan Rachel Goldberg, "A Painfully Shy Problem Comes Under Scrutiny," USA Today, Monday, March 7 1982, 5D; Lynne Kelly, "Social Skills Training as a Mode of Treatment for Social Communication Problems," in Avoiding Communication: Shyness, Reticence, and Communication Apprehension, ed. John A. Daly and James C. McCroskey (Beverly Hills, CA, 1984), 189-207; Peter D. Kramer, Listening to Prozac (New York, 1993); Paul A. Pilkonis, "Short-Term Group Psychotherapy for Shyness," in Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment, ed. Warren H. Jones, Jonathan M. Cheek and Stephen R. Briggs (New York, 1986), 375-85.
3. For a small sampling of these cures, see Ronald B. Adler, Confidence in Communication: A Guide to Assertive and Social Skills (New York, 1977); John Barrow and Judy Hayashi, "Shyness Clinic: A Social Development Program for Adolescents and Young Adults," Personnel and Guidance Journal 59 (1980): 58-61; Joan Rachel Goldberg, "A Painfully Shy Problem Comes Under Scrutiny," USA Today, Monday, March 7 1982, 5D; Lynne Kelly, "Social Skills Training as a Mode of Treatment for Social Communication Problems," in Avoiding Communication: Shyness, Reticence, and Communication Apprehension, ed. John A. Daly and James C. McCroskey (Beverly Hills, CA, 1984), 189-207; Peter D. Kramer, Listening to Prozac (New York, 1993); Paul A. Pilkonis, "Short-Term Group Psychotherapy for Shyness," in Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment, ed. Warren H. Jones, Jonathan M. Cheek and Stephen R. Briggs (New York, 1986), 375-85.
4. For a small sampling of these cures, see Ronald B. Adler, Confidence in Communication: A Guide to Assertive and Social Skills (New York, 1977); John Barrow and Judy Hayashi, "Shyness Clinic: A Social Development Program for Adolescents and Young Adults," Personnel and Guidance Journal 59 (1980): 58-61; Joan Rachel Goldberg, "A Painfully Shy Problem Comes Under Scrutiny," USA Today, Monday, March 7 1982, 5D; Lynne Kelly, "Social Skills Training as a Mode of Treatment for Social Communication Problems," in Avoiding Communication: Shyness, Reticence, and Communication Apprehension, ed. John A. Daly and James C. McCroskey (Beverly Hills, CA, 1984), 189-207; Peter D. Kramer, Listening to Prozac (New York, 1993); Paul A. Pilkonis, "Short-Term Group Psychotherapy for Shyness," in Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment, ed. Warren H. Jones, Jonathan M. Cheek and Stephen R. Briggs (New York, 1986), 375-85.
5. For a small sampling of these cures, see Ronald B. Adler, Confidence in Communication: A Guide to Assertive and Social Skills (New York, 1977); John Barrow and Judy Hayashi, "Shyness Clinic: A Social Development Program for Adolescents and Young Adults," Personnel and Guidance Journal 59 (1980): 58-61; Joan Rachel Goldberg, "A Painfully Shy Problem Comes Under Scrutiny," USA Today, Monday, March 7 1982, 5D; Lynne Kelly, "Social Skills Training as a Mode of Treatment for Social Communication Problems," in Avoiding Communication: Shyness, Reticence, and Communication Apprehension, ed. John A. Daly and James C. McCroskey (Beverly Hills, CA, 1984), 189-207; Peter D. Kramer, Listening to Prozac (New York, 1993); Paul A. Pilkonis, "Short-Term Group Psychotherapy for Shyness," in Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment, ed. Warren H. Jones, Jonathan M. Cheek and Stephen R. Briggs (New York, 1986), 375-85.
6. For a small sampling of these cures, see Ronald B. Adler, Confidence in Communication: A Guide to Assertive and Social Skills (New York, 1977); John Barrow and Judy Hayashi, "Shyness Clinic: A Social Development Program for Adolescents and Young Adults," Personnel and Guidance Journal 59 (1980): 58-61; Joan Rachel Goldberg, "A Painfully Shy Problem Comes Under Scrutiny," USA Today, Monday, March 7 1982, 5D; Lynne Kelly, "Social Skills Training as a Mode of Treatment for Social Communication Problems," in Avoiding Communication: Shyness, Reticence, and Communication Apprehension, ed. John A. Daly and James C. McCroskey (Beverly Hills, CA, 1984), 189-207; Peter D. Kramer, Listening to Prozac (New York, 1993); Paul A. Pilkonis, "Short-Term Group Psychotherapy for Shyness," in Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment, ed. Warren H. Jones, Jonathan M. Cheek and Stephen R. Briggs (New York, 1986), 375-85.
7. For a small sampling of these cures, see Ronald B. Adler, Confidence in Communication: A Guide to Assertive and Social Skills (New York, 1977); John Barrow and Judy Hayashi, "Shyness Clinic: A Social Development Program for Adolescents and Young Adults," Personnel and Guidance Journal 59 (1980): 58-61; Joan Rachel Goldberg, "A Painfully Shy Problem Comes Under Scrutiny," USA Today, Monday, March 7 1982, 5D; Lynne Kelly, "Social Skills Training as a Mode of Treatment for Social Communication Problems," in Avoiding Communication: Shyness, Reticence, and Communication Apprehension, ed. John A. Daly and James C. McCroskey (Beverly Hills, CA, 1984), 189-207; Peter D. Kramer, Listening to Prozac (New York, 1993); Paul A. Pilkonis, "Short-Term Group Psychotherapy for Shyness," in Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment, ed. Warren H. Jones, Jonathan M. Cheek and Stephen R. Briggs (New York, 1986), 375-85.
8. Patricia McDaniel, "Silence, Speech and Sexuality: Ideologies of Shyness Before the Twentieth Century," paper presented at American Sociological Association Annual Meetings, New York (August, 1996).
9. Barbara Welter, "The Cult of True Womanhood: 1820-1860," American Quarterly 18 (1966): 151-74.
10. Christina Simmons, "Modern Sexuality and the Myth of Victorian Repression," in Passion and Power: Sexuality and History, ed. Kathy Peiss and Christina Simmons (Philadelphia, 1989), 157-77.
11. Albert Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating (Secaucus, NJ, 1979), 29.
12. I limited my analysis to those self-help, etiquette, and advice books that could be considered to offer influential representations of shyness given their popularity with the reading public. Since sales figures were not publicly available, I measured popularity by three criteria: the publication of multiple editions, favorable reviews in trade journals consulted by librarians and booksellers, and an appearance on The New York Times' list of best-selling advice and how-to books (available only from 1984 onward). A total of 476 books published in the three time periods under consideration met one or more of these criteria; I chose a random sample of 183 to be included in my study; 36 were published between 1950 and 1960, 60 between 1970 and 1980, and 87 between 1985 and 1995.
13. Peter N. Stearns, "Girls, Boys, and Emotions: Redefinitions and Historical Change," Journal of American History 80 (1993): 36.
14. Debra Grodin, "The Interpreting Audience: The Therapeutics of Self-Help Book Reading," Critical Studies in Mass Communication 8 (1991): 404-20; Paul Lichterman, "Self-Help Reading as a Thin Culture," Media, Culture, and Society 14 (1992): 421-47; Wendy Simonds, Women and Self-Help Culture: Reading Between the Lines (New Brunswick, NJ, 1992).
15. Debra Grodin, "The Interpreting Audience: The Therapeutics of Self-Help Book Reading," Critical Studies in Mass Communication 8 (1991): 404-20; Paul Lichterman, "Self-Help Reading as a Thin Culture," Media, Culture, and Society 14 (1992): 421-47; Wendy Simonds, Women and Self-Help Culture: Reading Between the Lines (New Brunswick, NJ, 1992).
16. Debra Grodin, "The Interpreting Audience: The Therapeutics of Self-Help Book Reading," Critical Studies in Mass Communication 8 (1991): 404-20; Paul Lichterman, "Self-Help Reading as a Thin Culture," Media, Culture, and Society 14 (1992): 421-47; Wendy Simonds, Women and Self-Help Culture: Reading Between the Lines (New Brunswick, NJ, 1992).
17. In 1945, of active readers (approximately one-half of the total population aged 15 and over, a proportion which remained relatively stable into the 1980s), 10% had read a self-help or psychology book in the last month (Henry C. Link and Harry Arthur Hopf, People and Books: A Study of Reading and Book-Buying Habits [New York, 1946], 74). By 1978, 46% of book readers had read at least one in the last six months, and by 1983, 54% of book readers had read at least one in the last six months (Yankelovich, Skelly and White, Consumer Research Study on Reading and Book Purchasing (New York, 1978), 142; Research and Forecasts, Inc., 1983 Consumer Research Study on Reading and Book Purchasing (New York, 1984), 34).
18. In 1945, of active readers (approximately one-half of the total population aged 15 and over, a proportion which remained relatively stable into the 1980s), 10% had read a self-help or psychology book in the last month (Henry C. Link and Harry Arthur Hopf, People and Books: A Study of Reading and Book-Buying Habits [New York, 1946], 74). By 1978, 46% of book readers had read at least one in the last six months, and by 1983, 54% of book readers had read at least one in the last six months (Yankelovich, Skelly and White, Consumer Research Study on Reading and Book Purchasing (New York, 1978), 142; Research and Forecasts, Inc., 1983 Consumer Research Study on Reading and Book Purchasing (New York, 1984), 34).
19. In 1945, of active readers (approximately one-half of the total population aged 15 and over, a proportion which remained relatively stable into the 1980s), 10% had read a self-help or psychology book in the last month (Henry C. Link and Harry Arthur Hopf, People and Books: A Study of Reading and Book-Buying Habits [New York, 1946], 74). By 1978, 46% of book readers had read at least one in the last six months, and by 1983, 54% of book readers had read at least one in the last six months (Yankelovich, Skelly and White, Consumer Research Study on Reading and Book Purchasing (New York, 1978), 142; Research and Forecasts, Inc., 1983 Consumer Research Study on Reading and Book Purchasing (New York, 1984), 34).
20. I identified the race of the intended audience by looking for racial markers in the text. The small number of self-help books written for non-whites tended to signal their intended audience in the title (e.g., Satisfying the Black Men Sexually Made Simple, and Friends, Lovers, and Soul Mates: A Guide for Better Relationships Between Black Men and Women). Texts written for a primarily white audience often contained photographs exclusively of white people or included advice to readers to avoid racial prejudice. More often, self-help texts had no explicit racial markers; since silence about race generally signifies whiteness in much the same way that silence about gender signifies maleness, I concluded that these books were written for a primarily white audience (see Judith Shapiro, "'Women's Studies': A Note on the Perils of Markedness," Signs 7 [1982]: 718). The class bias of self-help books is evident in their distinctly middle-class theme, the notion of self-improvement through individual striving (Benjamin DeMott, The Imperial Middle: Why Americans Can't Think Straight About Class [New York, 1990], 43), as well as in the occupations of characters in the authors' vignettes: doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc.
21. I identified the race of the intended audience by looking for racial markers in the text. The small number of self-help books written for non-whites tended to signal their intended audience in the title (e.g., Satisfying the Black Men Sexually Made Simple, and Friends, Lovers, and Soul Mates: A Guide for Better Relationships Between Black Men and Women). Texts written for a primarily white audience often contained photographs exclusively of white people or included advice to readers to avoid racial prejudice. More often, self-help texts had no explicit racial markers; since silence about race generally signifies whiteness in much the same way that silence about gender signifies maleness, I concluded that these books were written for a primarily white audience (see Judith Shapiro, "'Women's Studies': A Note on the Perils of Markedness," Signs 7 [1982]: 718). The class bias of self-help books is evident in their distinctly middle-class theme, the notion of self-improvement through individual striving (Benjamin DeMott, The Imperial Middle: Why Americans Can't Think Straight About Class [New York, 1990], 43), as well as in the occupations of characters in the authors' vignettes: doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc.
22. See K. Sue Jewell, From Mammy to Miss America and Beyond: Cultural Images and the Shaping of US Social Policy (London & New York, 1993), 37-37; Leith Mullings, On Our Own Terms: Race, Class, and Gender in the Lives of African-American Women (New York and London, 1997), 112-13; Deborah Gray White, Ar'n't I a Woman? Female Slaves in the Plantation South (New York & London, 1985), 27-61.
23. See K. Sue Jewell, From Mammy to Miss America and Beyond: Cultural Images and the Shaping of US Social Policy (London & New York, 1993), 37-37; Leith Mullings, On Our Own Terms: Race, Class, and Gender in the Lives of African-American Women (New York and London, 1997), 112-13; Deborah Gray White, Ar'n't I a Woman? Female Slaves in the Plantation South (New York & London, 1985), 27-61.
24. See K. Sue Jewell, From Mammy to Miss America and Beyond: Cultural Images and the Shaping of US Social Policy (London & New York, 1993), 37-37; Leith Mullings, On Our Own Terms: Race, Class, and Gender in the Lives of African-American Women (New York and London, 1997), 112-13; Deborah Gray White, Ar'n't I a Woman? Female Slaves in the Plantation South (New York & London, 1985), 27-61.
25. Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique (New York, 1963).
26. See Wini Breines, Young, White, and Miserable: Growing up Female in the Fifties (Boston, 1992), 127-66; Susan J. Douglas, Where the Girls Are: Growing up Female with the Mass Media (New York, 1994), 49-51; Andrea L. Press, Women Watching Television: Gender, Class, and Generation in the American Television Experience (Philadelphia, 1991), 29-30.
27. See Wini Breines, Young, White, and Miserable: Growing up Female in the Fifties (Boston, 1992), 127-66; Susan J. Douglas, Where the Girls Are: Growing up Female with the Mass Media (New York, 1994), 49-51; Andrea L. Press, Women Watching Television: Gender, Class, and Generation in the American Television Experience (Philadelphia, 1991), 29-30.
28. See Wini Breines, Young, White, and Miserable: Growing up Female in the Fifties (Boston, 1992), 127-66; Susan J. Douglas, Where the Girls Are: Growing up Female with the Mass Media (New York, 1994), 49-51; Andrea L. Press, Women Watching Television: Gender, Class, and Generation in the American Television Experience (Philadelphia, 1991), 29-30.
29. Joanne Meyerowitz, "Beyond the Feminine Mystique: A Reassessment of Postwar Mass Culture, 1946-1958," in Not June Cleaver: Women and Gender in Postwar America, 1945-1960, ed. Joanne Meyerowitz (Philadelphia, 1994), 234.
30. Women wrote 47% of the books in the 1950s sample, but 64% of the actual text devoted to dating.
31. Frances Bruce Strain, Love at the Threshold: A Book on Social Dating, Romance, and Marriage (New York, 1952), 75. Given the low average age of first marriage in the 1950s, texts on dating were directed primarily at teenage girls and boys. In later decades, as the age of first marriage increased, as well as the divorce rate, authors directed their advice to women and men of all ages.
32. Bernice Morgan Bryant, Miss Behavior: Popularity, Poise, and Personality for the Teenage Girl (Indianapolis, NY, 1960), 33.
33. Evelyn Mills Duvall, Ph.D., The Art of Dating (New York: Association Press, 1958), 11. Self-help authors' views of the negative effects of aloofness were shared by most high-school girls. A study relying on a national sample of 2,005 girls in grades six through twelve conducted in the mid-1950s found that the majority of those aged 14 and over rated "snobbishness" as the primary source of unpopularity in girls (Elizabeth Douvan and Joseph Adelson, The Adolescent Experience [New York, 1966], 402).
34. Evelyn Mills Duvall, Ph.D., The Art of Dating (New York: Association Press, 1958), 11. Self-help authors' views of the negative effects of aloofness were shared by most high-school girls. A study relying on a national sample of 2,005 girls in grades six through twelve conducted in the mid-1950s found that the majority of those aged 14 and over rated "snobbishness" as the primary source of unpopularity in girls (Elizabeth Douvan and Joseph Adelson, The Adolescent Experience [New York, 1966], 402).
35. Mary Beery, Young Teens Talk It Over (New York, 1957), 98; Duvall, The Art of Dating, 11.
36. Mary Beery, Young Teens Talk It Over (New York, 1957), 98; Duvall, The Art of Dating, 11.
37. Duvall, The Art of Dating, 11.
38. Lillian N. Reid, Personality and Etiquette (Boston, 1950), 224.
39. Mary Beery, Manners Made Easy (New York, 1954), 195; Helen Louise Crounse, Joyce Jackson Goes on a Date: Teen-Age Dating Etiquette for Girls (New Haven, CT, 1952), 4; Duvall, The Art of Dating, 11.
40. Mary Beery, Manners Made Easy (New York, 1954), 195; Helen Louise Crounse, Joyce Jackson Goes on a Date: Teen-Age Dating Etiquette for Girls (New Haven, CT, 1952), 4; Duvall, The Art of Dating, 11.
41. Mary Beery, Manners Made Easy (New York, 1954), 195; Helen Louise Crounse, Joyce Jackson Goes on a Date: Teen-Age Dating Etiquette for Girls (New Haven, CT, 1952), 4; Duvall, The Art of Dating, 11.
42. Judith Unger Scott, Memo for Marriage (Philadelphia, 1957), 132.
43. Duvall, The Art of Dating, 12.
44. Beery, Manners Made Easy, 194.
45. Robert Loeb, She-Manners (New York, 1959), 71.
46. Betty Allen and Mitchell Pirie Brigs, Behave Yourself: Etiquette for American Youth (New York, 1950), 90; Ray Newton and F.G. Nichols, How to Improve Your Personality (New York, 1954), 89.
47. Betty Allen and Mitchell Pirie Brigs, Behave Yourself: Etiquette for American Youth (New York, 1950), 90; Ray Newton and F.G. Nichols, How to Improve Your Personality (New York, 1954), 89.
48. Loeb, She-Manners, 123.
49. These "mannish" qualities included sports prowess, male attire (i.e., anything other than a dress or skirt), physical strength, swearing, and a lack of grace. See Allen and Brigs, Behave Yourself: Etiquette for American Youth, 90; Beery, Manners Made Easy, 194; Bryant, Miss Behavior: Popularity, Poise, and Personality for the Teenage Girl, 30-31; Newton and Nichols, How to Improve Your Personality, 89.
50. These "mannish" qualities included sports prowess, male attire (i.e., anything other than a dress or skirt), physical strength, swearing, and a lack of grace. See Allen and Brigs, Behave Yourself: Etiquette for American Youth, 90; Beery, Manners Made Easy, 194; Bryant, Miss Behavior: Popularity, Poise, and Personality for the Teenage Girl, 30-31; Newton and Nichols, How to Improve Your Personality, 89.
51. These "mannish" qualities included sports prowess, male attire (i.e., anything other than a dress or skirt), physical strength, swearing, and a lack of grace. See Allen and Brigs, Behave Yourself: Etiquette for American Youth, 90; Beery, Manners Made Easy, 194; Bryant, Miss Behavior: Popularity, Poise, and Personality for the Teenage Girl, 30-31; Newton and Nichols, How to Improve Your Personality, 89.
52. These "mannish" qualities included sports prowess, male attire (i.e., anything other than a dress or skirt), physical strength, swearing, and a lack of grace. See Allen and Brigs, Behave Yourself: Etiquette for American Youth, 90; Beery, Manners Made Easy, 194; Bryant, Miss Behavior: Popularity, Poise, and Personality for the Teenage Girl, 30-31; Newton and Nichols, How to Improve Your Personality, 89.
53. Fewer than one American in ten believed that an unmarried person could be happy (Steven Mintz and Susan Kellogg, Domestic Revolutions: A Social History of American Family Life [New York, 1988], 180).
54. See John D'Emilio, Sexual Politics, Sexual Communities: The Making of a Homosexual Minority in the United States 1940-1970 (Chicago & London, 1983), 49.
55. Paul Wallin, "Cultural Contradictions and Sex Roles: A Repeat Study," American Sociological Review 15, no. 2 (1950): 288-83. This was a replication of Komarovsky's 1946 study of 153 women college seniors (with data collected in 1942 and 1943) which found that 40% occasionally "played dumb" on dates "in obedience to the unwritten law that men must possess [intellectual] skills to a superior degree." (Mirra Komarovsky, "Cultural Contradictions and Sex Roles," American Journal of Sociology 3 [1946]: 187).
56. Paul Wallin, "Cultural Contradictions and Sex Roles: A Repeat Study," American Sociological Review 15, no. 2 (1950): 288-83. This was a replication of Komarovsky's 1946 study of 153 women college seniors (with data collected in 1942 and 1943) which found that 40% occasionally "played dumb" on dates "in obedience to the unwritten law that men must possess [intellectual] skills to a superior degree." (Mirra Komarovsky, "Cultural Contradictions and Sex Roles," American Journal of Sociology 3 [1946]: 187).
57. Bryant, Miss Behavior: Popularity, Poise, and Personality for the Teenage Girl, 33.
58. Emotion work was originally conceptualized by Arlie Hochschild as "the act of trying to change in degree or quality an emotion or feeling" in oneself to bring it into line with "feeling rules" which prescribe how one ought to feel in a given situation. She distinguishes between emotion work, performed in private, and emotional labor, performed for pay (see Arlie Russell Hochschild, "Emotion Work, Feeling Rules, and Social Structure," American Journal of Sociology 85 [1979]: 561). I follow the lead of those scholars who use the terms more loosely, and interchangeably, to signify "emotional participation" or "doing intimacy" (see Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "Love and Intimacy: The Gender Division of Emotion and 'Emotion Work,'" Sociology 27 [1993]: 221-41; Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" The Sociological Review 43 (1995): 150-69; Nicky James, "Emotional Labour: Skill and Work in the Social Regulation of Feelings," The Sociological Review 37 (1989): 15-42).
59. Emotion work was originally conceptualized by Arlie Hochschild as "the act of trying to change in degree or quality an emotion or feeling" in oneself to bring it into line with "feeling rules" which prescribe how one ought to feel in a given situation. She distinguishes between emotion work, performed in private, and emotional labor, performed for pay (see Arlie Russell Hochschild, "Emotion Work, Feeling Rules, and Social Structure," American Journal of Sociology 85 [1979]: 561). I follow the lead of those scholars who use the terms more loosely, and interchangeably, to signify "emotional participation" or "doing intimacy" (see Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "Love and Intimacy: The Gender Division of Emotion and 'Emotion Work,'" Sociology 27 [1993]: 221-41; Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" The Sociological Review 43 (1995): 150-69; Nicky James, "Emotional Labour: Skill and Work in the Social Regulation of Feelings," The Sociological Review 37 (1989): 15-42).
60. Emotion work was originally conceptualized by Arlie Hochschild as "the act of trying to change in degree or quality an emotion or feeling" in oneself to bring it into line with "feeling rules" which prescribe how one ought to feel in a given situation. She distinguishes between emotion work, performed in private, and emotional labor, performed for pay (see Arlie Russell Hochschild, "Emotion Work, Feeling Rules, and Social Structure," American Journal of Sociology 85 [1979]: 561). I follow the lead of those scholars who use the terms more loosely, and interchangeably, to signify "emotional participation" or "doing intimacy" (see Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "Love and Intimacy: The Gender Division of Emotion and 'Emotion Work,'" Sociology 27 [1993]: 221-41; Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" The Sociological Review 43 (1995): 150-69; Nicky James, "Emotional Labour: Skill and Work in the Social Regulation of Feelings," The Sociological Review 37 (1989): 15-42).
61. Emotion work was originally conceptualized by Arlie Hochschild as "the act of trying to change in degree or quality an emotion or feeling" in oneself to bring it into line with "feeling rules" which prescribe how one ought to feel in a given situation. She distinguishes between emotion work, performed in private, and emotional labor, performed for pay (see Arlie Russell Hochschild, "Emotion Work, Feeling Rules, and Social Structure," American Journal of Sociology 85 [1979]: 561). I follow the lead of those scholars who use the terms more loosely, and interchangeably, to signify "emotional participation" or "doing intimacy" (see Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "Love and Intimacy: The Gender Division of Emotion and 'Emotion Work,'" Sociology 27 [1993]: 221-41; Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" The Sociological Review 43 (1995): 150-69; Nicky James, "Emotional Labour: Skill and Work in the Social Regulation of Feelings," The Sociological Review 37 (1989): 15-42).
62. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
63. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
64. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
65. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
66. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
67. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
68. Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex (New York, 1983); Sally Cline and Dale Spender, Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size (New York, 1987), 97-98; Ann Ferguson, Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality, and Male Dominance (London, 1989), 97; Arlie Russell Hochschild, The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1983), 165; P. Mansfield and Jean Collard, The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life? (London, 1988), 178-79; Letitia A. Peplau and Steven L. Gordon, "Women and Men in Love: Gender Differences in Close Heterosexual Relationships," in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, ed. Virginia E. O'Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Hillsdale, NJ, 1985), 257-91; Lillian Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family (New York, 1976), 114-33.
69. Sandra Lee Bartky, Femininity and Domination: Studies in the Phenomenology of Oppression (New York, 1990), 109.
70. John Modell, Into One's Own: From Youth to Adulthood in the United States, 1920-1975 (Berkeley, Los Angeles, & London, 1989), 291.
71. Although I focus here on the impact of the women's movement on conceptions of white femininity, women of color were also involved in the women's movement, participating with white women both in large, mainstream feminist organizations like the National Organization for Women, and in smaller ones (see Paula Giddings, When and Where I Enter: The Impact of Black Women on Race and Sex in America [New York, 1984], 303-04). Women of color also founded their own feminist organizations, such as the National Black Feminist Organization and the Combahee River Collective (see William H. Chafe, Women and Equality: Changing Patterns in American Culture [New York, 1977], 125; Combahee River Collective, "The Combahee River Collective Statement," in Capitalist Patriarchy and the Case for Socialist Feminism, ed. Zillah R. Eisenstein [New York, 1979], 362-72).
72. Although I focus here on the impact of the women's movement on conceptions of white femininity, women of color were also involved in the women's movement, participating with white women both in large, mainstream feminist organizations like the National Organization for Women, and in smaller ones (see Paula Giddings, When and Where I Enter: The Impact of Black Women on Race and Sex in America [New York, 1984], 303-04). Women of color also founded their own feminist organizations, such as the National Black Feminist Organization and the Combahee River Collective (see William H. Chafe, Women and Equality: Changing Patterns in American Culture [New York, 1977], 125; Combahee River Collective, "The Combahee River Collective Statement," in Capitalist Patriarchy and the Case for Socialist Feminism, ed. Zillah R. Eisenstein [New York, 1979], 362-72).
73. Although I focus here on the impact of the women's movement on conceptions of white femininity, women of color were also involved in the women's movement, participating with white women both in large, mainstream feminist organizations like the National Organization for Women, and in smaller ones (see Paula Giddings, When and Where I Enter: The Impact of Black Women on Race and Sex in America [New York, 1984], 303-04). Women of color also founded their own feminist organizations, such as the National Black Feminist Organization and the Combahee River Collective (see William H. Chafe, Women and Equality: Changing Patterns in American Culture [New York, 1977], 125; Combahee River Collective, "The Combahee River Collective Statement," in Capitalist Patriarchy and the Case for Socialist Feminism, ed. Zillah R. Eisenstein [New York, 1979], 362-72).
74. Alice Echols, Daring to Be Bad: Radical Feminism in America 1967-1975 (Minneapolis, 1989), 83.
75. Barbara Walters, How to Talk to Practically Anybody About Practically Anything (New York, 1970), 144.
76. Helen Andelin, The Fascinating Girl (Santa Barbara, CA, 1970), 152-53.
77. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 77.
78. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 203.
79. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 161-62, 165.
80. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 263.
81. Lynn Z. Bloom, Karen Coburn and Joan Pearlman, The New Assertive Woman (New York, 1975), 152; Pamela Butler, Self-Assertion for Women: A Guide to Becoming Androgynous (San Francisco, 1976), 4; Barbara Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters (New York, 1979), 1.
82. Lynn Z. Bloom, Karen Coburn and Joan Pearlman, The New Assertive Woman (New York, 1975), 152; Pamela Butler, Self-Assertion for Women: A Guide to Becoming Androgynous (San Francisco, 1976), 4; Barbara Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters (New York, 1979), 1.
83. Lynn Z. Bloom, Karen Coburn and Joan Pearlman, The New Assertive Woman (New York, 1975), 152; Pamela Butler, Self-Assertion for Women: A Guide to Becoming Androgynous (San Francisco, 1976), 4; Barbara Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters (New York, 1979), 1.
84. Emily Coleman and Betty Edwards, Brief Encounters (Garden City, NY, 1976), 68; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Daring, 111; Robert L. Williams and James D. Long, Toward a Self-Managed Life Style (Boston, 1979), 80.
85. Emily Coleman and Betty Edwards, Brief Encounters (Garden City, NY, 1976), 68; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Daring, 111; Robert L. Williams and James D. Long, Toward a Self-Managed Life Style (Boston, 1979), 80.
86. Emily Coleman and Betty Edwards, Brief Encounters (Garden City, NY, 1976), 68; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Daring, 111; Robert L. Williams and James D. Long, Toward a Self-Managed Life Style (Boston, 1979), 80.
87. Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 39; Arthur C. Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness (New York, 1978), 153.
88. Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 39; Arthur C. Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness (New York, 1978), 153.
89. Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 38, 181; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 127, 130.
90. Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 38, 181; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 127, 130.
91. Modell, Into One's Own: From Youth to Adulthood in the United States, 1920-1975, 308.
92. Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 29.
93. Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 30.
94. Bloom, Coburn and Pearlman, The New Assertive Woman, 13; Butler, Self-Assertion for Women: A Guide to Becoming Androgynous, 4-5.
95. Bloom, Coburn and Pearlman, The New Assertive Woman, 13; Butler, Self-Assertion for Women: A Guide to Becoming Androgynous, 4-5.
96. Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters, 102; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 3; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 95-96; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 112.
97. Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters, 102; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 3; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 95-96; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 112.
98. Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters, 102; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 3; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 95-96; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 112.
99. Powell, Overcoming Shyness: Practical Scripts for Everyday Encounters, 102; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 3; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 95-96; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 112.
100. Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 128-29, 135-39.
101. John W. Drakeford, Games Husbands and Wives Play (Nashville, TN, 1970), 73; Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and Allen Fay, M.D., I Can If I Want To (New York, 1975), 38; Charlie W. Shedd, Talk to Me! (New York, 1975), 47; James Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style (New York, 1978), 284; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 119; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 113.
102. John W. Drakeford, Games Husbands and Wives Play (Nashville, TN, 1970), 73; Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and Allen Fay, M.D., I Can If I Want To (New York, 1975), 38; Charlie W. Shedd, Talk to Me! (New York, 1975), 47; James Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style (New York, 1978), 284; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 119; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 113.
103. John W. Drakeford, Games Husbands and Wives Play (Nashville, TN, 1970), 73; Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and Allen Fay, M.D., I Can If I Want To (New York, 1975), 38; Charlie W. Shedd, Talk to Me! (New York, 1975), 47; James Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style (New York, 1978), 284; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 119; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 113.
104. John W. Drakeford, Games Husbands and Wives Play (Nashville, TN, 1970), 73; Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and Allen Fay, M.D., I Can If I Want To (New York, 1975), 38; Charlie W. Shedd, Talk to Me! (New York, 1975), 47; James Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style (New York, 1978), 284; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 119; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 113.
105. John W. Drakeford, Games Husbands and Wives Play (Nashville, TN, 1970), 73; Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and Allen Fay, M.D., I Can If I Want To (New York, 1975), 38; Charlie W. Shedd, Talk to Me! (New York, 1975), 47; James Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style (New York, 1978), 284; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 119; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 113.
106. John W. Drakeford, Games Husbands and Wives Play (Nashville, TN, 1970), 73; Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and Allen Fay, M.D., I Can If I Want To (New York, 1975), 38; Charlie W. Shedd, Talk to Me! (New York, 1975), 47; James Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style (New York, 1978), 284; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 119; Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 113.
107. Nena O'Neill and George O'Neill, Open Marriage: A New Lifestyle for Couples (New York, 1972), 115; Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style, 283.
108. Nena O'Neill and George O'Neill, Open Marriage: A New Lifestyle for Couples (New York, 1972), 115; Wagenvoord, The Man's Book: A Complete Manual of Style, 283.
109. Marcia E. Lasswell and Norman M. Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do (Garden City, NY, 1976), 146.
110. Robert C. Dodds, Two Together: A Handbook for Your Marriage (New York, 1959), 89-90; Elizabeth Fetter, Help Your Husband Stay Alive (New York, 1957), 212. This finding is consistent with Cancian and Gordon's historical analysis of representations of love and anger in American women's magazines, which found that, prior to the 1960s, wives were advised that the repression of anger was the epitome of love for their husbands (see Francesca M. Cancian and Steven L. Gordon, "Changing Emotion Norms in Marriage: Love and Anger in U.S. Women's Magazines Since 1900," Gender and Society 2, no. 3 [September 1988]: 308-42).
111. Robert C. Dodds, Two Together: A Handbook for Your Marriage (New York, 1959), 89-90; Elizabeth Fetter, Help Your Husband Stay Alive (New York, 1957), 212. This finding is consistent with Cancian and Gordon's historical analysis of representations of love and anger in American women's magazines, which found that, prior to the 1960s, wives were advised that the repression of anger was the epitome of love for their husbands (see Francesca M. Cancian and Steven L. Gordon, "Changing Emotion Norms in Marriage: Love and Anger in U.S. Women's Magazines Since 1900," Gender and Society 2, no. 3 [September 1988]: 308-42).
112. Robert C. Dodds, Two Together: A Handbook for Your Marriage (New York, 1959), 89-90; Elizabeth Fetter, Help Your Husband Stay Alive (New York, 1957), 212. This finding is consistent with Cancian and Gordon's historical analysis of representations of love and anger in American women's magazines, which found that, prior to the 1960s, wives were advised that the repression of anger was the epitome of love for their husbands (see Francesca M. Cancian and Steven L. Gordon, "Changing Emotion Norms in Marriage: Love and Anger in U.S. Women's Magazines Since 1900," Gender and Society 2, no. 3 [September 1988]: 308-42).
113. Dodds, Two Together: A Handbook for Your Marriage, 60; Les Giblin, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People (Englewood Cliffs, NJ, 1956), 92.
114. Dodds, Two Together: A Handbook for Your Marriage, 60; Les Giblin, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People (Englewood Cliffs, NJ, 1956), 92.
115. O'Neill and O'Neill, Open Marriage: A New Lifestyle for Couples, 113; Shedd, Talk to Me! 5.
116. O'Neill and O'Neill, Open Marriage: A New Lifestyle for Couples, 113; Shedd, Talk to Me! 5.
117. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
118. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
119. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
120. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
121. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
122. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
123. Dr. Joyce Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life (New York, 1978), 208; Lasswell and Lobsenz, No Fault Marriage: The New Technique of Self-Counseling and What It Can Help You to Do, 142; Pierre Mornell, M.D., Passive Men, Wild Women (New York, 1979), 19; Ellen Peck, The Baby Trap (New York, 1971), 224; Dorothy Sarnoff, Speech Can Change Your Life: Tips on Speech, Conversation, and Speechmaking (New York, 1970), 121; Shedd, Talk to Me!, ix. Although it seems unlikely that this phenomenon was unheard of in the 1950s, self-help texts devoted little space to the topic; wives were not counseled on how to cope with or overcome it, suggesting that it was either considered normal, and hence unremarkable, or it was indeed not a widespread problem. In fact, Thomson's analysis of best-selling 1950s self-help manuals suggests that authors were simply not likely to address any kind of difficulty in love relationships, an omission she attributes to the low divorce rate (see Irene Taviss Thomson, "Individualism and Conformity in the 1950s Vs. the 1980s," Sociological Forum 7, no. 3 [1992]: 506).
124. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 61.
125. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 61.
126. Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 163; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 3.
127. Zimbardo, Shyness: What It is, What to Do About It, 163; Wassmer, Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness, 3.
128. Marabel Morgan, The Total Woman (Old Tappan, NJ, 1973), 49; Shedd, Talk to Me! 41-43.
129. Marabel Morgan, The Total Woman (Old Tappan, NJ, 1973), 49; Shedd, Talk to Me! 41-43.
130. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk to Me!, 50.
131. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk to Me!, 50.
132. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk
133. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk to Me!, 50.
134. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk to Me!, 50.
135. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk to Me!, 50.
136. Andelin, The Fascinating Girl, 62-63; Brothers, How to Get Whatever You Want Out of Life, 209; Dr. James C. Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women (Weaton, IL, 1975), 83; Ellis, The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Dating, 99; Morgan, The Total Woman, 50, 180; Peck, The Baby Trap, 224; Shedd, Talk to Me!, 50.
137. James, "Emotional Labour: Skill and Work in the Social Regulation of Feelings," 23; Catherine A. Lutz, "Engendered Emotion: Gender, Power, and the Rhetoric of Emotional Control in American Discourse," in Language and the Politics of Emotion, ed. Catherine A. Lutz and Lila Abu-Lughod (Cambridge, UK, 1990), 87.
138. James, "Emotional Labour: Skill and Work in the Social Regulation of Feelings," 23; Catherine A. Lutz, "Engendered Emotion: Gender, Power, and the Rhetoric of Emotional Control in American Discourse," in Language and the Politics of Emotion, ed. Catherine A. Lutz and Lila Abu-Lughod (Cambridge, UK, 1990), 87.
139. Jack Sattel, "Men, Inexpressiveness, and Power," in Language, Gender, and Society, ed. Barrie Thorne, Chris Kramare and Nancy Henley (Rowley, MA, 1983), 120.
140. Didi Herman, The Antigay Agenda: Orthodox Vision and the Christian Right (Chicago and London, 1997), 137-69; Mary E. Oden, "Sexual Behavior and Morality," in Encyclopedia of American Social History, Vol. 3, ed. Mary K. Cayton, Elliott J. Gorn and Peter W. Williams (New York, 1993), 1978.
141. Didi Herman, The Antigay Agenda: Orthodox Vision and the Christian Right (Chicago and London, 1997), 137-69; Mary E. Oden, "Sexual Behavior and Morality," in Encyclopedia of American Social History, Vol. 3, ed. Mary K. Cayton, Elliott J. Gorn and Peter W. Williams (New York, 1993), 1978.
142. Victor Bondi, ed., American Decades, 1980-89 (Detroit, Washington, D.C., & London, 1996), 399; Mintz and Kellogg, Domestic Revolutions: A Social History of American Family Life, 234.
143. Victor Bondi, ed., American Decades, 1980-89 (Detroit, Washington, D.C., & London, 1996), 399; Mintz and Kellogg, Domestic Revolutions: A Social History of American Family Life, 234.
144. Bondi, American Decades, 1980-89, 380.
145. John D'Emilio and Estelle B. Freedman, Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America (New York, 1988), 349.
146. Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones (New York, 1985), 187; Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay (New York, 1987), 38; Julia Grice, How to Find Romance After 40 (New York, 1985), 71; Barbara Lovenheim, Beating the Marriage Odds: When You Are Smart, Single, and Over 35 (New York, 1990), 60.
147. Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones (New York, 1985), 187; Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay (New York, 1987), 38; Julia Grice, How to Find Romance After 40 (New York, 1985), 71; Barbara Lovenheim, Beating the Marriage Odds: When You Are Smart, Single, and Over 35 (New York, 1990), 60.
148. Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones (New York, 1985), 187; Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay (New York, 1987), 38; Julia Grice, How to Find Romance After 40 (New York, 1985), 71; Barbara Lovenheim, Beating the Marriage Odds: When You Are Smart, Single, and Over 35 (New York, 1990), 60.
149. Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones (New York, 1985), 187; Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvyn Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay (New York, 1987), 38; Julia Grice, How to Find Romance After 40 (New York, 1985), 71; Barbara Lovenheim, Beating the Marriage Odds: When You Are Smart, Single, and Over 35 (New York, 1990), 60.
150. Lovenheim, Beating the Marriage Odds: When You Are Smart, Single, and Over 35, 58.
151. Lillian Glass, Ph.D., Say It Right: How to Talk in any Social or Business Situation (New York, 1991), 199; Letitia Baldridge, Letitia Baldridge's Complete Guide to a Great Social Life (New York, 1987), 307; Grice, How to Find Romance After 40, 87, 221.
152. Lillian Glass, Ph.D., Say It Right: How to Talk in any Social or Business Situation (New York, 1991), 199; Letitia Baldridge, Letitia Baldridge's Complete Guide to a Great Social Life (New York, 1987), 307; Grice, How to Find Romance After 40, 87, 221.
153. Lillian Glass, Ph.D., Say It Right: How to Talk in any Social or Business Situation (New York, 1991), 199; Letitia Baldridge, Letitia Baldridge's Complete Guide to a Great Social Life (New York, 1987), 307; Grice, How to Find Romance After 40, 87, 221.
154. Cowan and Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones, 158; Grice, How to Find Romance After 40, 195.
155. Cowan and Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones, 158; Grice, How to Find Romance After 40, 195.
156. Cowan and Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay, 243.
157. Carol Weston, Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You (New York, 1985), 67.
158. Cowan and Kinder, Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Men and Avoiding the Wrong Ones, 158.
159. Authors may have been willing to portray some men as emotional and non-aggressive given critiques of masculinity emerging from various wings of the "men's movement" during the late 1970s and early 1980s (see R.W. Connell, Masculinities [Berkeley, 1995], 78; Michael Messner, Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements [Thousand Oaks, CA, 1997], 41-44).
160. Authors may have been willing to portray some men as emotional and non-aggressive given critiques of masculinity emerging from various wings of the "men's movement" during the late 1970s and early 1980s (see R.W. Connell, Masculinities [Berkeley, 1995], 78; Michael Messner, Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements [Thousand Oaks, CA, 1997], 41-44).
161. Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (New York, 1995), 9. Although the authors never explicitly say so, their reliance on biological arguments also suggests that they regard homosexual relationships as "unnatural."
162. Fein and Schneider, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 27.
163. Fein and Schneider, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 24.
164. Fein and Schneider, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, 7, 45.
165. Cowan and Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay, 9; Barbara De Angelis, Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (New York, 1990), 7; John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy (New York, 1994); John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York, 1992); Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement: The Proven System of Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (New York, 1993), 295.
166. Cowan and Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay, 9; Barbara De Angelis, Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (New York, 1990), 7; John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy (New York, 1994); John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York, 1992); Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement: The Proven System of Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (New York, 1993), 295.
167. Cowan and Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay, 9; Barbara De Angelis, Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (New York, 1990), 7; John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy (New York, 1994); John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York, 1992); Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement: The Proven System of Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (New York, 1993), 295.
168. Cowan and Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay, 9; Barbara De Angelis, Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (New York, 1990), 7; John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy (New York, 1994); John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York, 1992); Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement: The Proven System of Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (New York, 1993), 295.
169. Cowan and Kinder, Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: Why Men Are Drawn to Women, What Makes Them Want to Stay, 9; Barbara De Angelis, Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (New York, 1990), 7; John Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy (New York, 1994); John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York, 1992); Brian Tracy, Maximum Achievement: The Proven System of Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed (New York, 1993), 295.
170. Johnathan Kramer and Diane Dunaway, Why Men Don't Get Enough Sex and Women Don't Get Enough Love (New York, 1990), 125; Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy; Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships.
171. Johnathan Kramer and Diane Dunaway, Why Men Don't Get Enough Sex and Women Don't Get Enough Love (New York, 1990), 125; Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy; Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships.
172. Johnathan Kramer and Diane Dunaway, Why Men Don't Get Enough Sex and Women Don't Get Enough Love (New York, 1990), 125; Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy; Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships.
173. Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy, 204.
174. Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy, 202.
175. Tracy, Maximum Achievement: The Proven System of Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your Hidden Powers to Succeed, 295.
176. See Adrienne Rich, "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence," Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 5, no. 4 (1980): 631-60.
177. Gray, What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy, 157.
178. Bartky, Femininity and Domination: Studies in the Phenomenology of Oppression, 106; Francesca M. Cancian, Love in America: Gender and Self-Development (Cambridge, UK, 1987), 78; Duncombe and Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" 164.
179. Bartky, Femininity and Domination: Studies in the Phenomenology of Oppression, 106; Francesca M. Cancian, Love in America: Gender and Self-Development (Cambridge, UK, 1987), 78; Duncombe and Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" 164.
180. Bartky, Femininity and Domination: Studies in the Phenomenology of Oppression, 106; Francesca M. Cancian, Love in America: Gender and Self-Development (Cambridge, UK, 1987), 78; Duncombe and Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" 164.
181. Duncombe and Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" 158; Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family, 114-33.
182. Duncombe and Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" 158; Rubin, Worlds of Pain: Life in the Working-Class Family, 114-33.
183. Duncombe and Marsden, "'Workaholics' and 'Whingeing Women': Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work - the Last Frontier of Gender Inequality?" 161.
184. Bartky, Femininity and Domination: Studies in the Phenomenology of Oppression, 112.
185. Lutz, "Engendered Emotion: Gender, Power, and the Rhetoric of Emotional Control in American Discourse," 87.
186. Edith Wharton, The Reef (New York & London, 1912), 76.